This list of transgender ally tips is provided by University of California at Davis Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, Asexual Resource Center. Please visit their website at lgbcenter.ucdavis.edu for more transgender, lesbian and gay, and gender non-conforming resources.

• Don’t ever out a trans person. This is dangerous to their safety and can invalidate their identity.  Likewise, be aware of your surroundings when discussing trans issues with a transperson. For their safety & comfort, they may prefer not to discuss these topics in public places or among strangers.
• Always use the pronouns and name the person identifies with, and asks you to use. If you’re unsure, ASK!  If you make a mistake, correct yourself, and politely (and subtly, if possible) correct others if they use the wrong pronoun.
• Ask when and where it is safe to use their chosen name and pronouns (e.g. if a trans person is not out at home, ask them how you should refer to them around their family, etc). Don’t ask trans people what their “real” name is (i.e., the one they were born with).  If you know their birth name, do not disclose it to others.
• Instead of using prefixes like bio- or real- to designate that someone is not trans, use the prefix “cis-”. One, using “real” or “bio” sets up a dichotomy in which trans people are not considered “real” or “biological.”  Two, using the term cis- alters the framework so that cisgender people are not the default.  This shift in language can help make transphobia and gender privilege more obvious.
• Instead of saying someone was born a boy (or a girl), try saying they were assigned male at birth (or were female-assigned).  These terms recognize the difference between sex and gender, and emphasize the ways in which sex and gender are assigned to individuals at birth, rather than being innate, binary or immutable qualities.
• Don’t confuse gender with sexual preference.  Trans people, like non-trans people, are straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, etc.  Gender is not tied to sexual preference, and there are a million ways to express desire.
• Don’t fetishize.  Trans people’s bodies are not a public forum. “Creatures with cunts,” “the best of both worlds” and “chicks with dicks” are all inappropriate ways of describing trans people’s bodies.
• Don’t ask trans people about their bodies, how they have sex, what their genitals are like, etc.  It’s rude and none of your business.  It can help to think about whether you would ask these questions of a non-trans person.
• Don’t ask about surgery or hormone status. Don’t ask “when are you going to have the surgery?” or “are you on hormones?” Like non-trans people, our medical histories & bodies can be intensely personal and private.  If trans people want to share these details with you, allow them to do so on their own terms.
• Don’t assume the only way to transition is through hormones/surgery, and understand that medical transition is very often based on economic status.  Recognize the classism inherent in associating medical transition with “authentic” trans identities.
• Don’t assume all trans people want hormones and/or surgery, or to transition at all.
• Don’t assume all trans people feel “trapped in the wrong body.” This is an oversimplification and not the way (all) trans people feel.
• Don’t assume all trans people identify as “men” or “women.”  Many trans people and gender-queer people identify as both, neither, or something altogether different.
• Don’t tell trans people what is appropriate to their gender (e.g., trans women should grow their hair out and wear dresses).  Like non-trans people, we have varying forms of gender expression.
• Recognize the diversity of trans and gender-queer lives. Remember that these identities are part of other identities, and intersect with race, class, sexual preference, age, etc.
• Do listen if a trans person chooses to talk to you about their gender identity.  Be honest about things you don’t understand—don’t try to fake it!
• Be aware of places trans people may not be able to go (pun intended). Be understanding if a trans person doesn’t feel safe using a gendered bathroom or locker room. If your organization is holding an event, designate a gender-neutral bathroom in the building.
• Recognize that not all trans people or gender-queer folks are out there trying to smash the gender binary. Recognize that it’s not their responsibility. If you want to smash the gender binary, then you do it!
• Don’t ask trans people to educate you.  Do your own homework and research. Understand that there is a difference between talking to individuals about their preferences/perspectives and forcing someone to be your educator.  Try not to view individuals as spokespeople; the trans communities are diverse, not one monolithic voice or viewpoint.
• Don’t assume trans men are exempt from male privilege, misogyny, sexism, etc, just because of a so-called “girl past.”
• Recognize that trans women deal with sexism in a very real way (on top of transphobia).
• Recognize that trans women deserve access to “women-only” spaces/programs/shelters/etc.
• Recognize your privilege and prejudices as a normatively gendered person.
• Think about what makes you uncomfortable and why.
• Don’t let transphobia slide.  Confront it as you would confront all other forms of oppression. Trans issues are rarely discussed and when they are it is often in a negative light. Transphobia is equally oppressive as (and works in conjunction with) sexism, homophobia, racism, classism, etc.
• Talk about trans issues/rights.  Engage people in discussions and share your knowledge. The majority of “information” people have about trans issues is based on stereotypes and assumptions.  To most people, trans folks are the freaks from Jerry Springer.
• Be aware of the vital role you play as a non-trans person. Remember that the way you talk about trans people (e.g., using the right pronouns) influences how others perceive us and can make a difference in whether we pass, and whether we feel safe/comfortable. Always remember that people may be more likely to listen to and take cues from non-trans people than from trans people.  What you say and do matters!
• Don’t just mourn or take action when trans people are murdered.  Celebrate trans lives and work at making trans and gender-queer issues more visible on a day-to-day basis.
• Don’t tokenize.  Simply adding the “T” to LGB doesn’t make you or your organization hip, progressive, or an ally.  Make sure you have the resources, information, and understanding to deserve that T.
• Above all, respect and support trans people in their lives and choices.